Ignore these ridiculous rumours – Prince Harry is never coming back

After years of hostility, the Gallagher brothers are reconciled, so what chance a Harry and William reunion? It’s Definitely (not Maybe) off

The world was dumbfounded last month when, after years of vicious public mud-slinging, Liam and Noel Gallagher abruptly agreed to let bygones be bygones and reunite. If you believe everything you read, though, a second pair of warring brothers could soon be getting back together: Princes William and Harry.
That, at any rate, is the highly dubious impression that’s been given this week by mysterious unnamed “sources” in other newspapers. On Sunday, one tabloid breathlessly claimed that Harry has “sought advice from trusted former aides in Britain” on “how to mastermind a return from exile in the United States” and “potentially initiate a partial return to the royal fold.” Apparently, one “friend” has even devised a “secret ‘rehabilitation blueprint’”.
This improbable story was swiftly debunked by The Telegraph, which reported that, on the contrary, Harry has “‘no interest’ in returning to royal duties in the UK.” But the tabloids were undeterred. Yesterday, another of them claimed that, while Harry “would not return to the royal fold unless he received an apology from his estranged brother,” he would be generously prepared to “help out” the Royal family by “taking up a temporary role” – if, that is, the King asked him to.
I suppose there must be people out there who yearn to believe such claims. And the unexpected Oasis reunion may well have given these poor creatures hope. They may even attempt to draw desperate parallels between the two scenarios. 
“Think about it. The similarities are uncanny. A seemingly irreparable rift between an older brother who’s sensible but a bit grumpy, and a younger brother who used to be a notorious rock ’n’ roll hell-raiser but has since settled down. So if the Gallagher brothers can bury the hatchet after a terrible bust-up, why can’t the Windsor brothers?”
It almost feels cruel to crush such innocent dreams. But, for the sake of everyone’s sanity, I think we have little choice. Ignore these ridiculous rumours. There’s simply no way on earth that Harry is ever coming back. Let’s face it – regardless of what anonymous “friends” and “insiders” may or may not have insisted – we can all see that a rapturous royal rapprochement is inconceivable. 
Quite apart from anything else, consider the following simple fact: next month, the paperback edition of Spare – Harry’s mind-boggling memoir – will finally be published, more than 18 months after the hardback that staggered the globe. And, in a statement, its publisher confirmed that “the contents of the book are unchanged”. Harry could have revised the text, if he’d wished. But he didn’t. 
Does that sound like the decision of a man who is eagerly trying to “mastermind” a “return to the royal fold”? I don’t know about you. But I for one can’t help feeling that if a “friend” of Harry really had drawn up a “secret ‘rehabilitation blueprint’”, it would surely say something like: “Urgently phone publisher and beg them to delete all bits in book that say not terribly flattering things about family. If this means paperback now only three-and-a-half pages long, get ghostwriter to pad out with stuff about how relationship with stepmother always delightfully harmonious, sister-in-law best of pals with wife, royal courtiers all beacons of integrity and discretion, beloved older brother even more handsome without hair, etc.”
The original text, however, remains untouched. This surely proves beyond doubt that Harry is not ready to back down. Next to him, Liam Gallagher looks like a model of tact and diplomacy.